Candid and Cringe

Ep. 005
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[00:00:00] Thuy Doan: Uh, hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Candid and Cringe. A podcast about growth and the rollercoaster of life. Today's episode is brought to you by Patrons on my Patreon. I put up a poll with, um, a couple of topics, uh, for the podcast asking Patrons to vote, which one they wanted to hear about sooner rather than later. Two topics came out on top.

[00:00:39] They tied, uh, so this episode and the following episode will be topics that patrons voted on. Today's episode is about relationships and work and how I learned some of them were not for me. We're going to split it up into two parts. First half of this is going to be more personal, [00:01:00] uh, relationships. Sorta like dating doozies that I only figured out in retrospect.

[00:01:06] Um, and the second half is going to be about two workplaces. So let's start with. Uh, there are similarities between two of the stories that I'm about to tell you, um, in my behavior, but one was worse, like more gross and more cringy than the other one. I'll start with the one that's less cringe. So there once was a guy that I liked or thought I liked, and it was like super cute.

[00:01:42] Whenever we were together. You know, cutesy puppy, dog, type of crushy feelings. Right. Um, and that person even made me like a super nice gift, especially given the fact that we [00:02:00] weren't, we weren't even dating. We just like mutually liked each other. Um, I think we saw each other for maybe a month or so before he told me that, uh, Hey, I don't really feel the spark anymore.

[00:02:15] Uh, and that was done. Yeah. At the time I was in a place where. Like every dating sort of rejection that I got, I took it really personally because at the time I really tied whether or not somebody wanted to date you to my self-worth. I was like, well, I'm only attractive as a potential partner and woman, if some dude

[00:02:45] wants to date me. That's what I used to, not like actively think, but that's definitely how I behaved. Um, major characteristics of that relationship where puppy, dog, fluffy, fluffy fufu feelings, right. [00:03:00] For another person, there were similar, similar things that happened, like the fluffy, fluffy foo feelings, but it was even more gross.

[00:03:09] Like people are around us would react as if they were hearing the grossest things. Not that we were being, not that we were saying gross stuff. It was just that we were being so sappy, like, oh my God. Um, another thing that really defined that, um, crushy situation was whenever I would talk to that guy, I would always

[00:03:41] subconsciously or like, without, without consciously deciding to do it, I would raise the octave of my voice. I know that sometimes people, people talk about how their voice is different when they work like a customer service job or, you know, [00:04:00] naturally when they switch languages. But this was like, whenever I talked to this guy, my voice would just go higher.

[00:04:06] So like imagine sappy. Sappy like conversations plus an unnaturally high voice. And if anybody was my friend around that time, it was such a difference in my voice that whenever you listen to me talk to this dude, you probably would've given me a weird look like, w why are you talking that way? And like, at that time, because I wasn't making a conscious decision to speak that way,

[00:04:34] it was just like, what, what, what do you mean. Like, if someone were to bring that up to me, I'd be like, what are you talking about? This is how I talk. But no, um, that didn't end up well either, but there was a conscious decision on my part, not to like, pursue any dating with this person, although that person did ghost me in that, you know, we would flirt a lot and [00:05:00] then went on a date.

[00:05:02] Like went to a restaurant and then that person just like never talked to me again slash met all of my messages with apathy, like in a, in a way that was really confusing, especially because it was such a, such a difference from the way that we were talking before. And there was no explanation as you know, people do. People just like ghosts.

[00:05:27] ghost and like, confrontation, not my style these days. I'm very big on the, let's have an uncomfortable conversation where I tell you what I think and you tell me what you think. think, then we reach a point of understanding. And most people don't like to do that. And some of that is cultural. Um, But, yeah. So for a while I thought that I really liked those people, right.

[00:05:53] And most of my feeling is centered around those things where, you know, what, what could I have done differently [00:06:00] to, you know, secure the bag, secure the man. But after you know, many years of self-reflection, I came to the realization that those people simply were not a fit for me. We were not compatible.

[00:06:15] You know, despite any attraction there ever was, no matter how fleeting or how deep. They weren't deep, but we were not a fit. And I should have seen the way that I behaved or noticed changes in my behavior to like come to the conclusion that those people weren't right. But I guess, because I was so inexperienced, like at that point I had never dated anyone.

[00:06:40] Right. So I couldn't decipher like what I was feeling. If there were any sort of positive feelings towards a guy, it was like, oh, I guess I like you. Right. But I should've known. I think the biggest tell that stuff didn't work out, [00:07:00] especially for like the mega cringe situation was the fact that my voice was so much higher when talking to him than any other time.

[00:07:09] Like in a way that it made me feel uncomfortable to reflect on or have someone tell me about right. In retrospect, I think that didn't the reason why I was adjusting my voice was because unless... I think somewhere inside, sort of like dating survival thing kicked in, it was like, if you want to have a connection with this guy, The only way that you're going to feel a connection is if you speak higher, right.

[00:07:40] And you can, you could interpret that the way that you want. I won't say it. You can interpret that the way that you want. The only way that that spark existed between me and that person was when we were like forcing a super cute conversation. And my voice was higher with the other guy. [00:08:00] Yes. I didn't have my voice.

[00:08:01] Didn't raise, uh, with him. Talk pretty normally with him. But the thing that I have in common with the other situation is the fact that somewhere inside my dating survival instinct told me the only way that you have a connection with this person is if you manufacture a spark, because otherwise you don't have anything that is, is, is the foundation for you to have a relationship with this person.

[00:08:33] And unless you keep manufacturing this thing that you don't have between these people, whatever, this nice thing that you have with them, it's not going to keep going. And so I guess I did it for as long as I could, you know, without realizing that that's what was happening. Um, and in those cases, the other person noticed first that it wasn't working out.

[00:08:54] So they were the ones that ended it. So that was, you know, my young, [00:09:00] young, young years of liking some dude. Now, moving on to the work stuff. So for the Patreon that voted on this, I don't know which, which of these, you were more excited to hear. The personal side or, um, the work side, whichever side you were looking to hear,

[00:09:18] I hope that you like it. I hope that you find value out of it or entertainment. Well, I guess like entertainment is value either or, um, value to apply to your life, or just a good time. I hope that you have one of those. And for the other side that you weren't looking for, I hope that you like it too. Same with all of my other listeners.

[00:09:41] Okay. Work. So with work. I want to talk about two, uh, workplaces. One is, um, a job that I had before I became a software developer. I did work there beyond a year, several, several years. Ultimately what happened there [00:10:00] was, I got laid off. And it kind of jump-started me... it gave me like a life event from which I had to pivot from.

[00:10:08] And that's how I found myself in software development. But even prior to that, something was happening that I couldn't pinpoint at the time, but I have answers to now. So at the time I remember feeling like I wasn't proud to work this job because every time somebody asked me what I did for a living. I remember feeling like defensive about it, or like am like, uh, like some sort of embarrassment about explaining what I do.

[00:10:41] Okay. Um, that was back when I worked in advertising. Uh, I was a social media manager and I don't know, I guess, like there was something about the job, whether it was uh, the lack of fit that I couldn't see or something about social media itself or advertising that [00:11:00] I was embarrassed about, or maybe I was embarrassed about how much I was making.

[00:11:05] That was another thing. Not that people knew, but I wouldn't say that's a red flag. Um, not all jobs are cool to brag about, um, maybe a yellow flag for fit, but that was a thing. Another thing that happened before I got laid off was I would find myself wanting to do things other than my work at work. And some of you might be listening to this and being like, oh really?

[00:11:36] Like what, when do you ever not want to be at work? And I got to tell you that I have had a job and jobs, or at least one job where I, for the better part of that tenure, I actually wanted to be there every day and I didn't have the Sunday Scaries. So it's very possible. But [00:12:00] at this job, my advertising job, I remember being at work and just thinking like, oh, I wanna be, I want to be working on my lifestyle blog right now, because at that, at the time I was a lifestyle blogger.

[00:12:11] I just like with thinking like, was logo stuff, logo stuff, shoot stuff. What should I, what, what's the outfit that I should do next? Um, which restaurant should I go to next? Oh, sponsorship this yada yada, yada, like just thinking about doing all that. And sometimes even doing it at work because like work was slow.

[00:12:33] And so my, my motivation and my commitment was somewhere else, but I didn't really think much of it. And the last thing that was present before I even got laid off and found out that, that it wasn't for me was my temper was really short. So I remember, not a proud moment, not a proud moment, but earlier in my career, I remember I don't even know what we were [00:13:00] talking about, but I was talking to one of my bosses.

[00:13:04] It could have been a meeting. I really hope it wasn't a meeting. I just hope it was a one-on-one conversation, but we were having a talk. And I think I said the f word. And if anybody listening works in tech, F-bombs and all that stuff probably are, are totally nothing to you. And I get that because it's the same at like my previous workplace and my current workplace.

[00:13:29] People just throw swear words around, unless it's like a super formal presentation, but people are just like, it's very casual. Right? You throw a little expletive in there. It's just like, woo. Like that shit it makes sense. But this, this was like a pretty, it was closer to a traditional business setting and it was definitely run by, you know, older people.

[00:13:52] So if you're going to throw an F-bomb in there, no matter how casually it's going to be, it [00:14:00] probably wasn't perceived well. Um, and looking back at it, I'm not proud that I lost control of myself. In a setting where I definitely shouldn't have used expletives, but I did. So those three things, those three things were like, Hmm, something is, something is amiss.

[00:14:25] And to summarize what those three things are, wasn't proud of my job, couldn't explain it with a smile, uh, or without defending myself. Two, drop in commitment and motivation. And three, angry outbursts. Okay. Those are the three things that, you know, at the time I didn't realize were issues, but looking back on it, I now think of it as those were the three things that should have told me that I was time to go like [00:15:00] voluntarily, like maybe it's time to look for something else.

[00:15:03] And maybe if I had not been laid off and I did resign, maybe that would have led me on a path that wasn't software development. Like maybe I would've just went to a different advertising company, but alas, this is what happened. I got laid off before realizing what it meant, those three signs for me there.

[00:15:27] And I became a software developer. So I guess maybe I should thank the universe for having me not realize and having me get laid off because now I'm here. Yeah. So that was that. The second work situation where it ultimately wasn't for me was my previous workplace. Now this workplace uh, by and large, it was a good experience.

[00:15:57] It was my first [00:16:00] job. Full-time permanent job as a developer um, after I like pivoted out of advertising into development, like through a bootcamp. It was my first job in the industry. Okay. So I'm very grateful for them, for the people there, particularly, and for what they have taught me. Um, I went through, like, I spent all of my junior days there and I got promoted to like intermediate, like mid-level developer there.

[00:16:32] So I'm grateful for the growth that I experienced there. Um, in the beginning, my relationship with them and the way that I viewed them, was such that I was putting them up on a pedestal, right. This is the best company ever, like really, uh, leaning into the fact that people were calling this company a unicorn and in a way it was, um, and I even said something along [00:17:00] the lines of, I want to be here forever.

[00:17:03] I remember telling somebody that while I worked there and they were so surprised, they were just like, really? And I was like, yeah, don't you, you know, like, as like, it was absurd to me that people didn't want it. Like, if people, it was absurd to me, the idea that somebody may not want to be there forever.

[00:17:23] Like I understand like understood that people leave jobs. And people change and companies change, but at the time it was, it was such a fit for me that I was just like, this is like heaven, you know, on earth. Um, and I would say about three and a half years in, I started feeling differently. I started feeling antsy and I didn't know what it was.

[00:17:52] It was just like this, like perpetual undercurrent of discontent [00:18:00] that I felt like everyday going to work. And I started getting Sunday Scaries. Um, and I remember sometime after that three and a half year mark, I started thinking like, oh, maybe I need to change. Right. Maybe I need a new team. Maybe I'm just tired.

[00:18:19] Like I've been on this team for too long. Um, maybe I need to go to another team, try another product at our company. And I did pursue conversations in that area. Uh, they fell through because of some like re-forecasting stuff. So it kept pushing back. It was like, oh, Q3, Q3, maybe you can move. No Q1. Uh, in any case it never happened.

[00:18:42] So instead of, since I wasn't able to do that, I interviewed elsewhere. Right. I interviewed elsewhere, um, at a really great company who ultimately rejected me. But that, what that set in [00:19:00] motion for me was realizing that I still wanted to stay at my, at my company at that company at the time. And I kind of entered like a new honeymoon period.

[00:19:09] Right. I would say like I was at that company for almost five years. For the first three years, that honeymoon, that, that like, Ooh, shiny, like this is awesome feeling that you get when you start something new and exciting, that lasted for three years. Like that was how good it was for me for three years.

[00:19:30] And that obviously took a dip when I tried to switch teams, but couldn't, and then started interviewing and then I got rejected. And that rejection kind of made me realize like, okay, I still want to be here if, you know, if for only for a little while more. So I entered like a brief honeymoon period again. That probably lasted like a quarter.

[00:19:53] I, it kept me in there for a quarter. After that quarter was over, [00:20:00] started a very, very rapid decline in mental health and emotional satisfaction related to work. But at the time I couldn't see what that was. I just thought that like, okay, I'm, I'm, there's so many things that I can improve about myself. And I did, like, I tried those avenues first.

[00:20:25] I tried. You know, making sure that I was in tip-top shape physically like sleeping seven hours. That's my optimal amount of hours, seven hours sleeping, seven hours. Uh, being active every day. I was going for one hour walks every day. Um, at minimum five days a week for one hour a day. I was eating well because at the time I was working with a nutritionist, um, But even after all of that stuff, I still wasn't

[00:20:58] well. So [00:21:00] then I, I needed to bring out the big guns. Right. I ended up hiring a, um, a therapist, occupational therapist, and also a career coach to help me like, manage like my really full plate and, uh, my mental condition while I was going through this like question mark period of my life. Um, So there was all that.

[00:21:27] Now, if you recall, in a previous episode, I mentioned that the point in time where I realized that I was burnt out was when I took a quiz that ultimately had me realize that, you know, ask myself like, am I stressed? Right? And that was the beginning of the signs that this place is no longer a fit for me.

[00:21:49] Right. Other signs included, you know, in retrospect, remember how I mentioned at that advertising place I had angry outbursts? Well, that [00:22:00] happened a lot more at, uh, my previous workplace towards the end. Like I was, I was not, I... like my patience meter was so small. So small and, uh, my meter that had all my frustration just kept going up.

[00:22:20] It was never going down. It was just going up. And that uh, lack of commitment and motivation that I mentioned in at that advertising place? That happened here too. That happened here. Not while I was going through that honeymoon phase. Um, I got a boost from getting rejected and realizing that I wanted to cling to my workplace still.

[00:22:43] Um, and also at the same time, I was starting a... work on a new project and, you know, new and shiny really excites me. So it kept me in there for awhile. But at some point, even though I was still working on that new and shiny, and [00:23:00] like in that second quarter and beyond, it wasn't enough anymore because the underlying problems were still there.

[00:23:07] There was something about my surroundings that caused me to have a sudden drop in motivation and committed. And have angry outbursts. So for you, for listeners who are joining us at whatever time of the day or the week that you listen to podcasts, I think the takeaways that you can bring to your own life are, you know, a line of questioning when you are, uh, experiencing life situations that confuse you, or you have no answers to.

[00:23:50] So, for example, in your personal life, whether it's with a family member, a friend, or a [00:24:00] romantic interest, take note of the way that you feel physically. Number one, I got to tell you though, I say this to you, but I'm not good at that. Um, I'm very good at reflecting on my thoughts. Second best on reflecting on my feelings if they're extreme enough, uh, because I can't really recognize the middle of the spectrum.

[00:24:22] And then lastly, I'm very out of touch with my body as it relates to emotions. Like when I'm doing physical activity. Totally. Um, I'm present. I can feel that. But like I do not know what the what's happening with my face and body when I'm happy or when I'm sad, you know, because all I am is in my mind. So if you,

[00:24:45] when you are going through something with a friend, with a family member or with a romantic interest, take note of the way that your body feels in certain situations. And what I mean is that, like, let's say [00:25:00] your partner says something uncomfortable to you. Something that rubs you the wrong way, you know, do you get flushed, you know, is your heart racing, are you sweating?

[00:25:11] And then ask yourself why you think that's happening, right? And then the conclusion that you might come to is, it upsets me. And then ask yourself, what about that upsets you? Keep asking yourself why. I'll link the Five Whys here. But basically um, a tool that I use when I want to get down to the nitty gritty,

[00:25:37] like the root problem of something, especially if you start somewhere complex, is you just keep asking why. Right. so do that. In addition to paying attention to the way that your body reacts to possibly uncomfortable situations is... try to take note of any changes in your behavior that are different from the norm.[00:26:00]

[00:26:00] So in this podcast, I mentioned that my voice r rose, right? When talking to certain people. Is that something that, you know, are there situations that you have noticed whether in the moment or in retrospect, where you make yourself feel small? Right? Whether that's like, is it, is it your, are you curling, you know, curling in on yourself?

[00:26:27] Are you speaking quieter? Are you speaking higher? Are you looking, are you unable to look at somebody in the eyes, whatever that is for you that is out of the norm, ask yourself, why am I doing that? Try to explore that. In my case, I was doing that to manufacture a situation of compatibility that was ultimately not true.

[00:26:58] And you try to take [00:27:00] note on when that happens for you, right. With work, try to take note of, have you noticed any sudden changes in the way that you approach your work or the way that you feel about your work or the way that you think about your work, or the way that you interact with your coworkers.

[00:27:22] Right. Tel telltale signs for me were, for three years, I did not get Sunday Scaries, you know. Many people dread going back to work on Monday... I did not have that for the first three years of that job. And then I started having them. Did you go from a place where you, maybe you weren't looking forward to going to work, but maybe you also didn't dread it either.

[00:27:45] Did you, you know, not used to talk shit about your workplace and now you're talking shit about your workplace all the time? That's a change in behavior. Are you somebody who never had problems focusing at work, but now [00:28:00] you can't even bear to do the 15, 30 minutes of getting ready for work? And now that's taking two hours?

[00:28:05] That's a change. Are you somebody who is normally, you know, level-headed in meetings, you know, amicable, pleasant, funny even, and are you noticing that you're bringing the mood down a lot? Are you noticing that your patience is, is, uh, are you noticing that you're not as patient anymore? Or, I mean, if you're on the better side of the situation, let's say maybe you are a grump and then you became really happy.

[00:28:29] Kudos kudos to your workplace for being great for you, but we're talking about the opposite here. So take note of those things. What I'm hoping with, uh, things that I've gained in retrospect, what I'm hoping is I'll be able to use those things to prevent myself from getting into situations that my, my gut already knows is incompatible with me.

[00:28:54] So for example, you know, we've talked about the things that I determined were, uh, yellow [00:29:00] flags or red flags in my personal relationships and my work. So how, how do I apply that? And how can you apply that? For me, with, well, right now I'm in a long-term relationship, but if I were to ever be single again, um, and like interested in people and possibly going on dates with people, what I've come to the conclusion is if I get the sense that I see, like that person in a brotherly way, like, I kind of treat them like for people who have like cultures, Ethnic cultures, where you have a hierarchy, like I'm talking about honorifics, you know, where you have phrases that indicate whether somebody is older than you, or has more seniority than you.

[00:29:40] You probably know what I mean, but if you get the sense that you view somebody. Like not on the same wavelength as you, and you have to alter yourself in order to feel like you are on the same wavelength, no matter how sexy, no matter how attracted you are physically to that [00:30:00] person, you need to get the fuck out of there.

[00:30:02] Do not even enter that arrangement. No, no, no, no. So for me, like as soon as I, I like to do this exercise on celebrities. Like if I'm watching a show and I think somebody's cute, I'll just like make up an imaginary scenario in my mind. Like, you know, where I'm just like, okay, like, imagine I met this person and I'm interested.

[00:30:20] And then I bring forth the imaginary scenario of how would I feel if I had to date that person. And if I like grimace or like cringe or, um, even if I get the slightest feeling of like, I don't think we would last, anything that is even remotely unsettling, I would take that. I'm going to take that as a sign

[00:30:43] that it's not a good idea. That's how I would apply that to my personal life. And if you have a similar, if you have similar things to me, you can apply it in the same way or kind of like find a, a way that's parallel to those social situations and apply it to yourself. Now for work. How is this gonna [00:31:00] inform, uh, whether I join a new company or not?

[00:31:02] So uh at base there are things that, um, people already look for, like, you know, are you a salary match? Like, are you gonna pay me enough and more than are you going to pay me enough? Are you going to pay me what I'm worth higher than just the bare minimum, right? Pay me what you should be paying me and what you are paying others.

[00:31:20] Tech bros. Pay me that. Um, aside from like salary and benefits and culture, as much culture as you can decipher from an interview process, how will you know whether that company is worth staying at? That's the question we're talking about here any longer, right? However long you've been there, how do you determine whether it's worth staying there still. Putting aside money,

[00:31:43] because that's, that definitely has to go into your decision, you know, because it's easy to be like, oh, it's toxic, just leave. Okay, but like the alternative is homelessness. So you can't just like willy nilly leave. Understandable. So just putting aside that factor for now, and let's say that we're in a place where that [00:32:00] is not an issue, and you just have to decide based on all other factors, if it is worth staying at, what I'm going to do with the information that I've gotten from my previous workplace is as soon as I feel unsettled, instead of waiting, I will probably start looking for a job ASAP.

[00:32:17] Technically I did try to do that, um, with my previous workplace, but the difference is I stopped. Right. I stopped and was like, oh, I think everything's okay now because honeymoon period, I think, um, to better your chances and to not put all of your eggs into the job basket, like to prevent that situation of you being desperate while you look for a job, just start.

[00:32:38] Like, even if you haven't hit that, like I'm really, really ready to go. As soon as you feel the first inkling of, I don't like that, start looking, start looking and keep looking and just entertain companies look around. I used to think that was a shady behavior, but from people in the industry, they told me that like at the very [00:33:00] least you should be interviewing still to just keep your interview skills.

[00:33:03] Interview skills, some people may not know are things that you need to continually work on. Like, like it's not just like, I'm a smooth talker. I know how to, I know how to sell myself and that's going to equal I'm going to get every job that I interviewed for no, no, no, no. Interview skills are things that you need to hone.

[00:33:19] And even outside of that, there are things that are outside of your control that will ultimately lead to rejection. But when you can, work on those interview skills. So for me, uh, at the first sign of. Uh, mismatch going to start interviewing. Maybe even an interview before then. Um, some people just do that.

[00:33:37] Like, even though they're that, happy with their workplace every year, uh, they'll just do like one or two to kind of see like, oh, what's the job market now for my position? Even if it's just a money research thing, they'll do that. So I thought that was really interesting. I would like to not get to the same place as my former workplace with this workplace.

[00:33:56] I don't want to wait that long to resign. Like there's a part of me that [00:34:00] that is worried about the jumping the gun. Right. And I'm definitely someone that likes to make sure that my emotions are not fleeting, and they are actually like rooted in a longer term issue before I make a move on it. That said I can usually decipher whether which one that is in a day.

[00:34:17] Like I just need to sit on it for a day. And as soon as it happens a second time, I'm like, yup. I know for sure. It's not good. We're out. Once I know, it's very easy for me to cut something that isn't a fit for me. But that requires me to be able to recognize that it's not a fit. So in this current job, what I'm going to do is focus on my emotion.

[00:34:38] One, don't get invested. Like I used to be, I used to, like, somebody says something nice. Like we release a product and it was like, oh, like shill, shill, shill, shill, like this company is the best you can do no wrong. I'm not going to be like that with this company this time. I'm just going to take it as it is.

[00:34:55] Like, I'm not gonna marry myself to this company and I'm not going to be such a hype man [00:35:00] for it, but I want to do well at my job. I just need to quit being a wing man for an entity that at the end of the day can cut me if they want. So not getting attached. That's a, that's a lesson learned that I'm taking into my current job, getting ahead of those emotional outbursts or noticing more when I feel annoyed and taking that as a first step to angry.

[00:35:26] I'm trying to get ahead of that. Right. Being more aware of my commitment levels as I go, what I'm finding right now is it's easier to marry myself to the company because I've started doing things just for me. Um, like professional things, just for me, like in general, I think of myself as a selfish person that prioritizes themselves in order to, you know, do well by themselves and also by other people, um, as a consequence.

[00:35:51] So by no means, am I saying I've always put people first. I've not. But what I mean is I have this podcast now, and this is like a [00:36:00] hundred percent, my voice unfiltered, raw, mega candid. Because I have this, and other mediums that I can express myself or share my experiences without an organization, censoring me,

[00:36:13] I feel more free in a way at work because it's like... at my previous workplace, if I submitted something and I wanted to do a project and it got rejected, I would get cheesed, you know, and carry that with me into all of the work after that. But now if I submit a proposal for a blog or a campaign idea, or a demo that I want to build for developers, if they say no, do you know what I'm going to do?

[00:36:39] I'm just going to release it myself under my own name. And there you go. No censorship. Cool. I don't release it under my work's name. Fine, but I'm going to release that under my name. You know why? Because I have that avenue and I can. That has been four instances in my life where I realized that those people, or those things, were not for me I [00:37:00] hope that you either related to some of the

[00:37:03] or can take something away from it and apply it to your own life, uh, whether or not you're going through something right now, maybe in the future. And I can't wait to talk to you guys again. All right. Toodaloo .