Candid and Cringe

001. The Birth of a Candid Podcast
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[00:00:00] Thuy Doan: Hello and welcome to my new podcast called Candid and Cringe. A podcast where we break barriers by having candid conversations. This is going to be a podcast - like a primarily solo podcast - so when I say conversations, I mean between me and you. Now, when I talk about barriers, I mean the sort of barriers that we put up...

[00:00:43] ...between us and our true selves, you could say, and us and other people. So why is it called Canada and Cringe. In and outside of work, I am known for my candor. My honesty. People at work, they say, you know, Thuy is the person [00:01:00] that says it like it is. Uh, while people in my personal life say similar things, but with an extra layer, which is that uh...

[00:01:10] Sometimes you're so sincere, so honest that it's cringy and I'm talking about like when I'm telling my sister or my partner, like, you know, sappy love, confessions, like you're awesome. Don't let anyone ever tell you different. You're amazing this, that, and the other. And they're just sitting there like super cringe.

[00:01:34] So that's the whole candid and cringe part of it But I guess like, why a podcast? Well, in general, I have always been somebody who has a lot of thoughts and has always had a lot of things to say. I haven't always been confident in what I've wanted to express. Um, but in my adult years, definitely. [00:02:00] And for the most of my adult years, Twitter was enough or like whatever social media that I was on.

[00:02:07] Right. And the people that were in my life, I use Twitter, like a pensieve like the pensieve in Harry Potter, where Albus Dumbledore, he, you know, takes all of his thoughts, the things that are on his mind, the things that plague him. And he pulls them out of his head and he sticks it in a basin, to review from a, from a distance.

[00:02:29] And that's kinda what I do with Twitter When I think something is great, I tweet about it. When I think something is not great, I tweet about it. But I think that there are some topics that are so complex and so full of emotion that I think even a super long Twitter thread doesn't cut it. I definitely thought of things before a podcast.

[00:02:56] You know, I thought about YouTube. I watch a lot [00:03:00] of YouTubers, but then, like, I sat there and thought about how I'd have to like, edit an extra dimension of thing, which is video and already the idea of, like, editing audio is a headache. And if you throw in video, that's even more of a headache. That said I would like to give a shout out to my sound guy.

[00:03:23] My podcast editor, Chris Enns from Lemon Productions. He is going to be the person that makes me sound a lot better than what I'm sounding like right now, Chris, you're awesome. He's Canadian by the way. I'm Canadian. YouTube is out of the question. So then I kind of put it aside for the time being, and I'm like, okay, I guess, I guess like all these things that I have in my mind are going to stay inside or they're just going to stay as like in-person vents or the occasional, like, Twitter thread. [00:04:00] Until recently, like maybe a month ago.

[00:04:03] I don't exactly remember what triggered it, but I got to this point where I was like, "Okay I'm like four years into my career now. I'm a software developer, uh, by the way, in the tech industry. I'm four years into my career and I've really spent all of that time just head down at my company." I am, like, a competent developer at my, at my company.

[00:04:29] I have good relationships with the people that I work with. But outside of that, like no one really knows. Professionally what I do or what I care about. So I thought to myself, like, Okay, what am I going to do about this?" And at the same time, I was seeing people on Twitter, in the tech industry, you know, sharing things, what they're learning right now, or like big, you know, prominent, like [00:05:00] influencer type people on, on Twitter, but they were developers.

[00:05:05] And I just thought it was really cool. Like there's these people out there, you know, maybe they're struggling with promises or they're learning regex for the first time, even though they're like a eight year developer or something like that. And they're just out there being like, "Yeah, I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

[00:05:23] Come on this journey with me," you know? And I was just like, "Man, uh, I don't know if I'd be comfortable going up there and being like, I don't know this thing." And maybe that's uh maybe that's an ego thing or maybe that's, um, negative social stigma. Maybe it's both. But I felt like really inspired by them. And sometime after that, I came across a developer by the name of Jason Lengstorf.

[00:05:52] He has a show called Learn with Jason, where he brings on you know, one guest per show. And each episode is really [00:06:00] centered around that other person teaching him something. It could be... He did a show where the person that was on taught him how to, you know, develop websites that were right to left. Because you know, we're North American, we speak English, everything that we're used to is left to right.

[00:06:20] Right. But what happens when you have a site like Wikipedia and it's used by people all over the world, including people who are used to right to left language, right? What do you do about that? And I guess one day, Jason put out a tweet and I was like, "Hey, I'm looking for guests, um, to be on my show.

[00:06:45] Uh, if you have any recommendations, put, put in, put it under my tweet." And at the time I was just kinda like, interested, you know. How does one get the, you know, good fortune, [00:07:00] privilege, um, luck to be a guest on your show? Is it as simple as just me being like, ""Hey, can I be on your show?" Uh, and if I was on your show, what would I even talk about, you know, what could I teach you, really?

[00:07:14] I just commented in the thread, just being like, "Hey, I'm not really like putting myself down for anything, but how does one get on your show?" And he ended up DM-ing me and being like, "In a nutshell, everybody has something to teach and that something is probably easier to pinpoint if you just think about like, what are you doing re... what have you been doing recently or focusing on, like, what are you passionate about?

[00:07:41] Like what sort of problems have you been solving these days?" The first problem that I thought about wasn't even programming related. It was like a culture... Like a culture shift that I wanted to see and I just, you know, mused out loud. I told him, "Well, I've [00:08:00] been dealing with this sort of thing." And he happened to say, "You know what?

[00:08:06] I think that's a great topic for... not, not for the, this, not for this show Learn with Jason, but actually this other podcast that I'm on called Remotely Interesting with Netlify. And at this point I had never heard of Remotely Interesting but I definitely had heard about Netlify and I was just like, whoa, okay.

[00:08:28] Like, all right. And he was like, "All right, I'll get my colleague to uh message you and set that up." And I was just like, well, shoot, it be like that eh? And you know what started out as just like, a musing. Like, "Maybe I should share stuff in a different format than Twitter with people," turned into me guesting on a podcast by a company that, you [00:09:00] know. You are just someone that looks at it from afar and you think like, whoa, that's so that's like a big, giant that's way out there in the distance that I can't touch.

[00:09:10] And now I'm touching it. It was so surreal uh, serendipitous, I guess. Anyways, that's how I got my first like guest podcast appearance. And then, you know, from that conversation with Jason, I kind of, like... My thoughts about creating content, not on YouTube, came back up to the surface. Um, and I was like, you know, why don't I, I make a podcast?

[00:09:42] Right. And if I did that, I wouldn't have that, like, video component that I was worried about with YouTube. Right. I would only have audio, but I could just sit there and yabber on. I would have to edit, but thankfully I found a great guy named Chris [00:10:00] Enns as I mentioned before... Started thinking about names, pitched some of them to my sister and, uh, my partner. I was pretty pumped up about...

[00:10:09] quite a few of them to the point where I now own, like, five domains that I'm not using. The one that won was Candid and Cringe, obviously. But there are a couple, uh, ones that I thought were super great but now that I look back on it, I'm just like, man, why didn't I think that was good? Maybe I'll tell you someday.

[00:10:29] I do like that sort of stuff. Revealing embarrassing, like, side stories, like, failures, that sort of stuff. I really like those stories. Um, on Instagram, I definitely like to tell that... those stories. So I don't want to hide that sort of thing from here. That is how my podcast came to be. So earlier I said, the Candid and Cringe is a podcast, uh, that breaks barriers through candid conversations.

[00:10:57] The types of candid conversations [00:11:00] that I want to have are related to topics that I feel like people should talk about. They're important to talk about. They're healthy even, but people just don't like to talk about, um, for two main reasons: one, they're stigmatized in society. I'm talking about stuff like therapy, mental health...

[00:11:26] struggling with anything really. Um, society has this like weird obsession with perfection, um, and they're especially critical of women... and a whole bunch of other minority groups, you know? And secondly, I think the thing that holds us back from talking about these important topics is ego. Right? I think this one is partly related to the first one.

[00:11:54] For example, our ego might make us feel [00:12:00] like we're too weak. We're weak if we say this thing, if we talk about how we're struggling. Um, we're too dependent. Um, we're not disciplined enough. We're not smart enough. We're not strong enough. Um, and I really don't think that those are accurate assessments of people.

[00:12:22] Um, and often they are. Really knee-jerk, uh, value, value, assessments. Character judgments of people, that people have of us. And I really want to break that down. I want to break... I want to break down that ego of ours that prevents us from connecting with other people. Um, and I want to help break down the ego of people who are trying to pursue more fulfilling lives, more fulfilling careers.,

[00:12:54] I'm hoping that, uh, we will have conversations on here. We'll [00:13:00] have thought provoking discussions, even though I'm talking to myself, about stuff and they'll make you think. Hmm. What do I think about that topic? Right. And then from there, okay. I think this thing about it, but what am I going to do about it? And really take that...

[00:13:20] and then look at your goals that you have, the things that make you happy, the things that you want to achieve, and see if where you're at, what you think, how you feel, will take you there. And if they won't take you there, you can decide if you are okay with certain parts of it staying the same, or if you're going to change.

[00:13:42] I I really believe in introspection. I really believe in continuous growth and I really believe in difficult, sincere, candid, tactful conversations. I'm hoping to do that [00:14:00] here. I don't intend for this to be like a super serious podcast, although realistically it, because of the things that I want to talk about, it's going to be more serious than not. But I am a person... I'm like an extreme person.

[00:14:17] I'm either super serious or I'm super not. So you're probably going to get. You're probably going to see both, um, during my episodes. I really love to insert humor wherever. And whenever like I'm talking about... myMyparents passed away in 2018 and we'll probably get a whole episode on this at some point.

[00:14:40] But back in 2018, when my parents passed, I was the person that wrote a eulogy and gave a eulogy in front of a crap ton of people. And even in that, like, super serious environment, um, I had to, like, put in some humor at the [00:15:00] end. And I think some people didn't like that. It wasn't like tasteless. You know, if I am trying to be super objective and fair, I do not think it was tasteless.

[00:15:09] It was just like, you know, um, aw that, that old chap type of type of joke, you know, something like endearing about the person that passed. But I don't think that, you know, the middle aged elderly ethnic people in my community liked that. You're going to see, you're going to hear a lot of that. Um, in terms of like the super silly, embarrassing failure, types of stories.

[00:15:39] If you're not somebody that follows me on Instagram and you're, you know, you're a mutual of mine on Twitter and you're discovering me through this content for the first time. Um, the types of stories that I like to tell that are embarrassing are... they're like like something like this. So, you know, [00:16:00] one of my hobbies is baking.

[00:16:02] I don't like sweets actually, but I do like baking. I don't know why. One time, I think in the first year that I baked, I tried making like, um, donuts and the, the recipe that I was following, it told me to use mashed potatoes. And to this day, I don't really understand why maybe it was to make sure that the donut was going to be fluffy.

[00:16:33] I don't know. But anyways, I went to a Walmart. I, you know, the grocery store closest to me and the only mashed potatoes that they had were the herb and garlic kind. And already at that point, I was like, "I feel like this is gonna mess up. My donuts." And yet the recipe said, I [00:17:00] need mashed potatoes... or instant mashed potatoes.

[00:17:03] And these are the only ones I could find. So I bought them anyway. Okay. Went home. Made these donuts and, as you can probably guess, they tasted weird. Good. But weird. And by good, what I mean is that like herb and garlic pastry... if you think about like a biscuit or something, that sounds like pretty delicious.

[00:17:34] Right? But it was weird because.... there's icing on this donut. Right? So you get something that tastes like an herb and garlic biscuit, but with sickeningly sweet icing on top. So it was really jarring. And I went on Instagram and I think I put like, I don't [00:18:00] know, a five story, 10 story situation on there to tell people about how I f*cked up donuts and people were responding to me like, "Oh my God, you're such a funny storyteller."

[00:18:12] And I was like, *laughs*, I know. And I'm hoping to bring, you know, that sort of element here. I don't know how successful it's going to be, because a lot of my humor is, or at least I've been told, is super physical. So I'll tell a story about like how I killed a bug or whatever. And I was like how I was like super afraid of it, but like went in there courageously to kill it anyway.

[00:18:36] Um, and the friend that I was telling the story to at the time was like, "Have you ever thought about doing like stand up comedy? And I was like, "What? Stand up comedy, come on." And they were like, "No, like physical comedy. I think you're super good at that." And I guess, like when I tell a story, what I do is like, I, I use my hands a lot and [00:19:00] I guess I'm pretty dynamic with my face.

[00:19:03] So when I'm on Instagram stories, there's video, right? So you can see me do all the hands um do all the faces. But if I tell a funny story on audio only, I don't know if you would think it's as funny. But maybe you will, maybe you will. Maybe I'm dynamic enough with my voice or maybe not. I oscillate between thinking that I sound monotonous, because of the fact that some people tell me that I have like an ASMR voice.

[00:19:36] And because I think I sound super dull. But also, because I think that I'm super emphatic. Right. So we'll see. We'll see if you think I'm funny. We'll see if you think I'm thought provoking. We'll see if, um, you know, you talk to me as a result of listening to my podcast. That's another thing that I want. I want to build a community...

[00:19:58] ...of people who [00:20:00] believe or live a life that is candid, sincere, honest. Or at least they try to be more and more. A community of people who are also tactful, and who are continually trying to press forward. I don't think it's bad for us to have down days. Like, we're human. It happens. But the people that I respect the most, and the quality that I respect the most, is persevere.

[00:20:33] Right. You have a tough time. You have a tough day. You have a tough week, month year. But in the grand scheme of things, if you are moving forward... moving forward, paying it forward, trying to make your life a better place, trying to make the lives of the people that you love a better place. And if you can...

[00:20:59] you [00:21:00] know, try to leave the world in a better place for when you're gone. I think that's super, super awesome. Here we are putting ourselves out on the internet under my sixth, sixth, um, podcast name that I came up with. The winner. I don't really know where it's gonna go. And maybe that's all content creators on the web.

[00:21:30] Maybe that's all Youtubers. All influencers, all podcasters. They're just like, I want to talk about this thing. And maybe there's a, there is a percentage of people who purposely start something like this because they want to be successful with it. And because they want to get money, I once did something like that.

[00:21:54] I think at the time I thought my, uh, my [00:22:00] reasons were more altruistic or I guess like more, I just want to do it, not for the money. But it was actually the opposite. Back in like 2015. I actually had a blog. Not a technical blog, not a software blog like I do now. Um, but back then I was a... lifestyle and fashion blogger.

[00:22:24] And I had like an Instagram and everything. I got like collabs and stuff. I'm talking like this because it's kind of awkward for me. Like I took pictures and everything. But yeah, I, I once had a lifestyle blog. At first, I feel like I did it for just the love of beautiful things. Um, clothes. I really liked clothes.

[00:22:49] I still like clothes, but I've given it up for other things. Um, and my love of food and wanting to share that with people. Especially cause some people, like, would call me a [00:23:00] foodie and like a restaurant critic. And I was like, well sh*t, maybe I should share that with people. And I did that for like a year. But towards the end of it, I was just doing it because I was getting free stuff.

[00:23:14] Uh, and it felt like a chore. And this thing that was supposed to be a wondrous, beautiful hobby, died. Now that I'm starting a new, you could say a hobby, a new passion... I'm more protective, or I guess careful, there's some level of trepidation that I have starting this, because I don't want the reason that I'm doing this to be tainted.

[00:23:43] Right. So I guess a part of keeping myself accountable is to tell you in the very first episode what this whole thing is for. So to recap, Candid and Cringe what's up with that? Well, I'm doing it because there are a lot [00:24:00] of things that I want to share. A lot of things that are on my mind that I need to get them off my mind.

[00:24:04] And it's also in part, because I want to give back to my community. I, there are a lot of things that I've learned in the last four years that I've been a professional developer. I'm super passionate about uplifting a whole bunch of communities. Um, women of color, women in tech, early career developers, um, people who are pivoting in their careers.

[00:24:29] Because, spoiler. I'm a bootcamp grad. And also since 2019, I've been an advocate for people in the accessibility and disability communities. I don't like the idea that there are a bunch of people out there whose voices are going unheard and unsupported. It really bothers me like a lot. To the point where, I'm like burning out right now. Trying to [00:25:00] do this podcast and all these other things.

[00:25:02] Um, in and outside of work, I want to be a better person. And I want the world to be a better place. And I want to encourage, I guess, like values that I think are, are good, right? Truth and candor and sincerity and tactfulness. And I want people to... can you hear my voice shaking? I want people to, uh, you know, contribute to normalizing all of these unnecessarily difficult conversations. You know, like death. Which, by the way, actually, I was on a Twitch stream today talking about death. Specifically personal trauma. But death, death, and a whole bunch of other things.

[00:25:51] I'm not trying to, you know, depress you with these episodes. But I want to talk about things that are near and dear to my heart [00:26:00] and a whole bunch of peoples' hearts out there, including probably yours. But maybe you just don't have an outlet for it for that yet. So I hope, if you don't have an outlet for it yet, or you just want more outlets, you can do it with me.

[00:26:14] Uh, okay. I hope you can, you heard me, fine throughout this whole episode. I definitely had to turn off my AC and the fan that's next to me. So it's kind of muggy in here right now. And also my partner is, uh, sleeping right now so or try to sleep anyway. So I've been talking quieter than I probably normally would. But I'm hoping that you hear me loud and clear.

[00:26:44] Maybe you got a little relaxed. And I'm hoping that you're looking forward to hearing more from me. That's it. peeps. Have a great day, great week, great life. And as always, [00:27:00] keep it candid.